New Year's Ramblings...

It has been brought to my attention that perhaps my one and only friend died quasi-peacefully on the kitchen floor roughly 6 months ago.  His name?  Bentley Eugene of Circle Drive.  Do you know why I consider him to be my only friend?  Upon him reading my plea for submissions for my advice column, he may have responded with the following and in doing so made my day.

Bare Bonsey,

I'm partially blind with a wonky eye that goo's.  I have a peg leg turned inward, halitosis, I am crack-fiend skinny, genderless and have a terrible disposition.  But, I'm a lady killer.  I don't ever plan on changing my ways.  Not even sure what you should do with this information.

I need extra food in my bowl 'cause Prisscilla is coming over for dinner. 

Bentley Eugene

Even from the grave, he speaks.  I realize that I am completely odd and unworthy of your following.  Does it help that my sister's trust me with their children?  No.  Okay then.

It shouldn't.

Fa-la-te-da.

My brother told me an interesting story yesterday.  It's twisted, but honestly why else do you come here?

A buddy of his hunts from his Mississippi-based back porch. Klassy, I know. One day he spotted what turned out to be a 13 point buck in his backyard.  His friend got out his bow and arrow and from the comfort of his Lay-Z-Boy, got a nice clean shot.  The deer took off towards the woods leaving a trail of blood that he and a few of his friends tracked for over 5 hours.  They had almost given up until they went searching through an upscale neighborhood and spotted the coveted rack and body...  in a child's sandbox, replete with plastic toys.  Bled out. "Right in view of the kitchen sink!" he reported.  Merry Christmas, little Timmy!

Happy New Year to you!