Saturday, June 1, 2013

And... Go...

So this is my first post for 2013.  What about it?  Truth is I’ve not been particularly busy, just lazy.  Sometimes you get out of the habit of doing something and it just becomes a habit that you become lazy.

But I have thoughts.  Lots of them and they are occurring right now:

1) I will never get rid of this crusty black suitcase.  If this suitcase were a person, it would show up with hot rollers in its hair, a ratty cotton bathroom robe coupled with a half-lit cigarette hanging out of its busted zipper mouth. But you know it’s trusty and it’s been everywhere on earth with me.  Literally.  It’s like an old friend.  And do you get rid of old friends?  I don’t think so.  You get rid of your old, mean friends.

2) When I leave the farm, I will leave behind a part of my soul. When that thought surrounds me, I remember that everything has a season. I know I will relinquish a part of my soul in every place I love and leave behind. That’s the beautiful part of an evolving life.

3) When I leave the farm, I will be leaving for Colorado. There will be more to write about that at another time. 

4) Hopefully Mr. Darcy lives in Colorado, that gnarly fictional bastard.  In reading through P&P, I’m again finding myself wanting to kill off my likeminded heroine Miss Elizabeth Bennett and ride off into the sunset with Mr. D where we can be snarky and angry at each other forever. That, my friends, is love.

If I may quote: 
"At his own ball he offended two or three young ladies by not asking them to dance; and I spoke to him twice myself without receiving an answer.  Could there be any finer symptoms [of violent love]? Is not general incivility the very essence of love?"
5) I love and abhor change all at once.

6) Part of me is scared because it’s just me in this.  Part of me is relieved for the same reason.

7) Most of me wants to erase that because it’s weakness for me to admit that I’m scared.  But it’s a necessary function of my human experience to be scared.  It alerts me to keep myself open and flexible, engaged and discerning in my new environment. 

8) Being scared on another level allows me to appreciate normalcy when it returns.  The part that is relieved when I don’t look at my workplace like a battle field waging war against my fragile competencies, a home-place that smacks of my juju, my running trails, those routines of life that allow me to feel centered and grounded. 

9) There are, like, 11 people on this flight and they're still boarding by sections.