Thursday, June 24, 2010

When the moon hits your eye lika big pizza pie...

... That's Amore!  *high ptiched women's echo*  That's Amoreeee!

Moss never grows under my feet, unlike in between my toes.   Just kidding.   That would be gross.   All that nonsense to let you know that I will be leaving for vacation and will not be here to answer the deeper questions in life.   I fly to Barcelona on Saturday and are meeting up with my little/big brother and his friend for a cruise through the Mediterranean.   You know what folks, until about 2 months ago, I could not point out the Mediterranean on a map if you paid me in 10,000 horses and 20,000 shekels.   Geography to me is a mystery and an embarrassment of sorts.   Go ahead and ask me what borders The Ukraine. 

*shrugs shoulders*

See?  It's deplorable. 

So, I'm off to Barcelona,

Monte Carlo,




And Palma, Majorca.  

If anyone has sight-seeing, dining or off the beaten path suggestions from their previous trips to Italy, please let me know.  Trying to sort through some of the touristy things and the "must sees" is a challenge.   Especially when you thought Morocco and Monaco were interchangeable.   Just kidding, but maybe I'm telling the truth.

I'm so excited I could spit!  Or just drool.  In either case, I'm covered.

Bon Voyage!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Garden Thyme!

I had this idea waking up one Saturday morning.   I guess some people call it "planting a garden".  I was just trying to move some earth around and drop some seeds in with the hope of one garden salad sometime in late August.   I'm a dreamer.

Here is the battleground...  Wild, untamed, earthy.   The soil was like dried cement.   But the story does not end there.  

Here is my hoe.

Bad hoe. 

I threw her out in the street.  She was of no use to me now.

After 1 hour of sweat equity, my garden was ready to be seeded.   Please take a moment of silence.  I rarely have such moments of unbridled excellence.

Yes, those are plastic gloves.  My nails had been screaming "Dumpster Diver" previously.

En route.

Look at the optimism in those eyes.

Plants consist of basil, thyme, chives, oregano, green beans, green peppers, multi-colored peppers, onion, parsley, hopes and dreams.

Here I was giving them a pep-talk, or a pre-emptive lashing.  My scare tactics included those four letter words for plants:  Weed(s), deer, heat, bugs or the ultimate, inattention.

My friends, I would like to say this was the beginning of a beautiful journey, but after weeks of vacation and general malaise towards working outside in the searing heat, this is what I encountered this morning.  Please, no children beyond this point.


My heart was shattered.

I've never seen a weed grow with such vigor and anointing.  I was trying to uproot it when it slapped me in the face as it had evolved a complex brain stem in those two months. 

So, here is the final product. Weeds or vegetables? Who really knows? I sure don't.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

No Ma'am.

How many packs of cigarettes does one need to smoke to command some respect on the phone?  I've decided that I need an old, haggard female trucker voice to really get things done around here.  As a rule and for world peace, please never refer to anyone on the phone as "Honey", "Sweetie", "Sugar".  It's never complimentary and always tips the person off on the other end that you are about to ask them a favor. 

However, if they knew me, they would never refer to me as any of those names.  They would instead call me things like, "Weird, useless hobby lady",  "Talker to geriatric cats", "Listener of Elton", "Enjoyer of George Eads", "Smeller of lilacs", "Wearer of bangles", "Appreciator of the word 'bangles'".

And those are all the thoughts that are rattling through my head at present.   They are deep, and they are vast.  

I am hungry.   Must be lunch time.


Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Oh, the Places I've Been, Part One

Miss me?  Naturally, I could not wait to get back to your warm e-arms and tell you all about my exciting travels.  And you, out of guilt, similar DNA, extreme boredom, or bad lifestyle choices are willing to sit and read about them.  And I thank you.

And so it begins, *ah-ah-ah-a-em*

I have come to the conclusion that God must have been like Bob Ross on crack the way he colored the ocean waters.  Simply fantastic.  These were taken from various points in our cruise travels from Half Moon Cay to Nassau, Bahama's.

Please do not point out the obvious about the ship rails being included in the photos.  That is my creative side being unearthed.  Be gentle with your criticisms as she has fragile self esteem stemming from bad hair, acne and bad teeth.  If you're not sure how that relates, don't worry, neither do I.

Next up, I would like to introduce you to Half Moon Cay, a private island owned by our cruise line. Some people rode horses on the beach, some snorkeled but Yours Truly was quite content just sitting on her, as yet, white rumpus. She had not severely burned them and had the pleasure of hearing her roommate shout "You have one hot ass!" down the hallway buzzing with kids of every age. *cough* Drema

Here are my trucker legs and my father's toes but more importantly, I wanted you to see how clear and beautiful the water was.

Next was Nassau where us Gringa's got taken by old, seasoned island peddlers and their confound it "silver" jewelry and Kate Spade, Gucci, and Louis Vuitton bags. That's Laura (my bossette) in the picture. I love her so.

And here is our sinking ferry pictured below. We were exiting our vessel when we spotted our captain jump ship after an unsuccessful attempt at resuscitating the smoking engine room. 

We then calmed our nerves by finding the best Thai food ever in the history of time and space.  And I should know because I hauled the leftovers to my cabin and ate them later, unrefrigerated, as a midnight snack.  This may or may not have caused another involuntary colon cleansing.  I'll never tell. 

On Nassau Island, we stopped to see the beautiful Atlantis Paradise Resort.  Unfortunately for all of us, I only managed to take a pictures of the lobby ceiling and me tickling a fish.  Aren't you glad you stopped by today?

Let's see... what else... well, I raced Karen-Karen down some water slides...

I had wide-mouthed admiration at the ani-towels left in our cabin...

Here's Drema drunk.  Again.

I could not help myself.  I fantasized about beating the crap out of the Carnival's mascot...

However, this here is a huge reason I loved my time in the Bahama's.