Sunday, September 26, 2010

Dear Bonsey Responds, Part II

Dear Bonsey,

I have been worried about what to do on National Ice Cream Cone day which is fast approaching on Sept 22. There are so many flavors to choose from and I just can't decide. Help me Bonsey! You're my only hope.


Dear Double Scoop Debbie,

Turns out I was not able to get back to you in time to tell you what to do about your quandary. For that, I am deeply sorry. My nights have been spent hitting deer and my days are spent writing up derelict employees. My hope for you is that you were able to try all the flavors, one after the other and felt no shame.

Letting saddle bags reign,


Dear Bonsey,

I'm just dying to know what to cook for my Kwanzaa feast! Please Help! I only have 3 months to plan!!! EEEK!


Dear Moeisha Stewart,

Dying is a curious choice of words considering the kinds of food I'm going to recommend for a festival intended to clog your arteries. Let's face it, Kwanzaa is like Thanksgiving, but deep fried. Even the gravy. Deep friend gravy. Just think about it. Anyway, come back now and listen to some of my suggestions. Thank you.

(deep fried) watermelon
(deep fried) chicken wings
(deep fried) corn bread
(deep fried and battered) okra
(deep fried) collared greens

But you might want to verify these claims. Really, the only experience I've had with black people was an abbreviated Jimmy Hendrix phase in High School.

Perpetuating racial stereotypes everyday,


  1. Ok, here's my question: What if, and this is purely hypothetical, you gave a loan to someone, maybe to buy furniture, and they never paid you back?! I know! Rude! I think I would remind them of it constantly, their whole life long. What would you do, bonsey? Eagerly awaiting your answer.

  2. I will (anonymously) jump in here and say that kidnapping, beatings, torture, and blackmail may be effective. Not that I have tried any of these tactics. But I think it's good judgment to remain anonymous. (Right, Vinny?)

  3. Dear Ma'am,

    EEEEErrrr I have a sister I mean, I have a friend that has two sisters and one sister always put pictures of the other sisters kids on FB and NEVER of the other sisters kids...would you tell her she is a horrible aunt playing favorites or just send her mudd for C-mas? My friend really wants to know because she has a sad heart. She would write you herself, but I said since I am such a great friend I would do it for her.

    Thanks a ton,