Saturday, March 27, 2010

Dear Bonsey, Part 1

Dear Bonesy,

I work at the Radio Shack in Beckley, you know, by the one by the movie theater. Everytime I step into my establishment of employment I have accompanied by long stares into the abyss. I often wonder how I got here. Please Bonesy, help me to turn my life around, rid myself of the razor blades and emo music and make better career choices


Dear Radio Shucks,

As I drove past you that one night and caught you staring out the window*, your dead, soulless eyes told me all I needed to know. I thought to myself, "What could make that poor girl so despondent on such a night as this?" "Oh yeah, she's working the night shift at Radio Shack." "Boy, I'm hungry." And that was that. I had no more thoughts about your plight. That was because most everyone has a 9 to 5 that they may or may not resent. My advice to you is to stop your moping and sell more flat screens or you might be staring blank, cold, and hungry out of a card board box.

Forever Yours,

*Based on actual events


Dear Bonsey,

Can you tell me why old people dont get yearly driving tests after 70? B/c they are Causing me stress and the other drivers as well. Thank you for talking time in reading my question and I look foward to your wise advise.


Dear Scared of Driving Miss Daisy,

I too have been at the mercy of our senior citizens on the road. They can be slow moving and dangerous in their lane changes but if I'm being honest, I'd be more scared of teenage boys in their black '96 Eclipse crossing over two solid lines with zero visibility on Eggleston Rd.

With that said, every time you want to tail Virgil on the way to his doctor's appointment, just fast forward a few years and imagine yourself in the drivers seat barely able to see past the steering column, scared out of your aging mind, dodging trees and pedestrians alike. Have a heart, young whipper-snapper.

To answer your question regarding mandatory testing for seniors, places like California now require drivers over 70 to retest if they are involved in two or more crashes in one year. I don't know about you, but that provdes me with real comfort.

Similarly, there have been proposals in several other states to toughen licensing requirements for older drivers however, their efforts have been thwarted by senior-citizen lobbying groups who say age-based measures are discriminatory. They claim that a person's chronological age is not an accurate predictor of driving ability.

Apparently neither is being able to see without the aid of magnifying glass.

But God bless our road-warrior senior citizens. And let us remember that recently and humbly, we in our sound youthful minds tried to put diesel fuel into our gas tanks.


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