How many packs of cigarettes does one need to smoke to command some respect on the phone? I've decided that I need an old, haggard female trucker voice to really get things done around here. As a rule and for world peace, please never refer to anyone on the phone as "Honey", "Sweetie", "Sugar". It's never complimentary and always tips the person off on the other end that you are about to ask them a favor.
However, if they knew me, they would never refer to me as any of those names. They would instead call me things like, "Weird, useless hobby lady", "Talker to geriatric cats", "Listener of Elton", "Enjoyer of George Eads", "Smeller of lilacs", "Wearer of bangles", "Appreciator of the word 'bangles'".
And those are all the thoughts that are rattling through my head at present. They are deep, and they are vast.
I am hungry. Must be lunch time.